A Common Nazi
by Moogle from Cyrodiil
Summary: AU.Stalin Russia and Hitler Germany have a little disagreement that leads to insanity. Formerly an AP Euro assignment brought to the fan fiction stage by mild re-engineering. All very historically accurate.


A Common Nazi

Background 1: _This is adapted from an AP European History course and that should explain why Russia and Germany do not act like they do in APH._

Background2: _This takes place in a timeless limbo land of anthropomorphic countries, where each epoch and leader has its own avatar. This Germany is actually Hitler's ditto, and Russia is Stalin's. _

[Enter Russia, walking down the street; he stops by to sniff a flower while ignoring a sign that reads "Keep off grass"]

Germany- Halt! Auf meine grass! Das ist verboten!

Russia- Ah! The bloody assassin of the workers I presume?

Germany- [Looks up] Ve are not communiste über here. Dist ist meine!

Russia- Silly fascist-pig, land is for communists! You ever hear about my exploits in the Ukraine?

Germany- Oh no. Who hast not heard of your blunder?

Russia- Blunder? I managed to kill more kulaks than you'd ever kill!

Germany- Oh, AS IF! Have you seen my concentration camps? TOP OF THE LINE! Don't be such a pompous commie.

Russia- Pompous commie? Your death camps do not compare to the horrible cruel evil! Things I have done! Slaughter of innocents, killing of my rivals! I bathe in their blood…very good for the scalp.

Germany- Well, you were always second place anyway. I nearly wiped out a whole race while conquering a good portion of Europe, and not only that! I have written a book and have had a play written about me. A PLAY! SO SUCK IT, RUE-SSIA!

Russia- [Enraged] A play?! It's a girly play sung by a bi-curious man! And I have written better things than 'your struggle'. That thing is EVERYONE'S struggle! My Five-Year Plan kicks your Final Solutions posterior!

Germany- *cough* you're bi-curious *cough*

Russia – What? What was that?

Germany - Nothing! But anyways, my final solution had to be done to get rid of oily grimy Slavs such as yourself. You stink up my air with sausage grease mustache.

Russia - My 'stashe? Look at yours? You cannot even manage to have yours grow past your lips. Not even! I can grow a full, beautiful, and sexy beard!

Germany- Well, what I lack in facial hair I make up for with compelling rhetoric and Michelangelo-like painting ability!

Russia – You are as much a painter as the French are winners. Any one of my spies could paint you under the table any day.

Germany- As if they could capture my Aryan beauty. Of course, you wouldn't know anything about beauty considering you were bred from a stray cat.

Russia – At least _MY_ mother was not a Jew like your Grandmomma!

Germany – Hey, hey! Woah, uncalled for! That's all conspiracy theories!

Russia – It's not conspiracy in the CCCP! Here it is propaganda which is as good as the truth!

Germany – Well, you know what? This is the Fatherland, so I wear the pants in this relationship.

Russia - …[pauses]

Germany – Well, do you have a comeback?

Russia – [Makes a finger mustache]…I'm stallin'( or Rushin')

Germany – [Face palm] You're not that bright, are you?

Russia – I'm as bright as the steel my name implies!

Germany – Pig iron? That's not bright at all!

Russia – Hey, it's better than your cheap ugly paintings.

Germany – You're not an artist. You wouldn't understand…[sniff, sob]

Russia – Remember when we used to understand? Like that Non-Aggression Pact! Wewere both so pissed, that we came together for one beautiful night.

Germany – Hey! That was once and there was nasty Russian vodka involved!

Russia – Hey, at least it wasn't Polish Vodka.

Germany – True. That's just our little secret, right?

Russia – Uh yeah…sure…so [awkward pause in conversation]…uhhhh

Germany – Well, I think I hear your troops approaching Berlin.

Russia – Oh yeah. I did tell them to get their before those American swine [breaks off mid-word]…I mean allies got here.

Germany – Yeah, I promised I'd go marry Eva, ugh [shudders]

Russia – Are you crazy?! That's like suicide [revises thought]… I mean, uhh, fun [;D]

Germany – You have no idea…

Russia – Aw, I love you man. Even though we're completely opposite on the political spectrum, we're like Tom and Jerry: good friends in another life, sworn enemies here.

Germany – Yeah, some might see that as hypocritical, but you know what I always say!

Germany and Russia – At least we're not anarchist groups supported by the government!**

AN:

-This is a collaboration of Moogle from Cyrodiil and Dark Nothing, who was not an official member of Fanfiction dot net. Now she is and she is called Eyriann (Yes, like the blonde-haired blue-eyed people) . And it makes sense, because I am the Commie and she is the Springtime for Germany kid. And I know, I know it loses something when it's not performed by two girls with a fake Russian and German accents respectively, but just imagine the real thing and it'll seem better.

-Oh, and this was A+ material for bringing real facts and humor into the atrocities of these two political figures.

**The murder of Franz Ferdinand was done by an operative of the Black Hand, an anarchist group in Serbia. The Serbian government paid for it.


End file.
